Archive for the 'Snippets' Category

RegularResearch.

A couple of weeks ago, RegularDad and I were sitting on the back porch together. He was putting together some toy or other, and I had my camera out and was waiting patiently to get that shot of the cardinal I posted not too long ago. I was so focused on the trees on one side of the yard that I wasn’t able to change gears fast enough to take a picture of the moment when this enormous hawk came floating over our yard and dove into the top branches of a tall tree a little further off in a neighbor’s yard.

The hawk emerged seconds later with another bird (black and obviously young) struggling in its beak. The hawk turned in the air dramatically and shot away, back over our heads and off towards the creek area, followed closely by a large crop of Very Pissed Off Blackbirds who dive-bombed this hawk and attacked it ferociously, trying to get it to drop the young bird. The screeching was incredibly loud. RegularDad and I watched this whole thing go down in amazement. In truth, the whole thing took maybe ten seconds tops.

“Holy shit! Did you see that?” RegularDad said to me. “Did you see that?”

I nodded, and then lamented the fact that it all happened too fast to get a picture of it.

“I can’t believe that,” RegularDad said. “Have you ever seen anything like that before?”

“No,” I said. “Never.”

For the rest of the afternoon, RegularDad existed in a state of utter amazement. At least twice an hour, he’d turn to me again and say: “Unbelievable! Seriously unbelievable. I never knew birds did that kind of thing.”

Finally, I said to him, “Why don’t you look it up on the Internet and see what you find?”

“Yeah,” he said, still in awe. “Yeah. I’m gonna.”

The next day I asked him, “So, did you ever look up that bird-thing online?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Really? What did it say?”

“It said: birds do that.”

Too wet to go out.

A deluge opened up on us here just as we sat down for dinner tonight. During the meal, my 7-year-old fell into a state of sheer grumpiness, the kind to rival the darkest storm clouds and make me cringe as I anticipate the soon-to-arrive preteen years. RegularDad distracted her from her grumpies with a game of chess, and promised our 5-year-old a game as well, after her sister played. I told my 5-year-old sternly that she could watch the game only if she remained quiet and allowed the players to concentrate. She agreed and within five minutes of play, as she stared idly out the window at the sheets of rain coming down, she absently began to sing:

5-year-old (REPEATEDLY): It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring…. It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring…. It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring—

7-year-old (exasperated, and impatiently waiting for RegularDad to make his next move): The old man isn’t really snoring, you know. Dad’s the old man. The old man is TRYING to concentrate.

When they asked him “What color is your parachute?” he was all like: “Parachute? What parachute? I need a parachute?”

RegularDad: Man, I hope this stock I bought just takes off. ‘Cause if it does, I’m gonna cash it all in and open up a store, so I don’t have to go to work anymore.

Me: Ohh…kay…. You really want to go into business for yourself, then?

RegularDad: Oh, yeah.

Me: You realize that you’d be working, like, ALL the time? If you started your own business.

RegularDad: Yeah, I know.

Me: Okay. So, what kind of store would you open?

RegularDad: Oh, anything.

Me: A music store?

RegularDad (at the same time): Donuts.

Me: Donuts?

RegularDad: Oooooh!…. How about donuts and music?

Me: Donuts and music?

RegularDad: Yeah. People could be like: “Yeah, I’ll take that Les Paul* there…and gimmee a powdered jelly, too.”

Me: Mmm…hmm. And you could maybe have a drive-through window, too.

RegularDad: Yeah. People could drive up and say, “Yeah, I need a coffee, and a pack of D’Addarrios**… and a cruller.”

Me: And what if someone only wanted donuts?

RegularDad: That’s okay. That’d work. I’d give out free guitar picks with every dozen.

_____________________________

*really cool guitar that musicians would totally drool over if you owned one.
**popular brand of guitar and bass strings.

Homeschool math.

7-year-old: So, we’re agreed then? I can do chores for an allowance?

Me: Yes, but only as long as you do it cheerfully. If you whine and complain, the deal’s off.

7-year-old: But– But—!

Me: Or maybe I’ll just dock your allowance for each instance of complaining. Say…5 cents for each incidence of complaining.

7-year-old: Ohhhh…kay….

Me: So, if you complain too much, you might find yourself out of an allowance one month.

7-year-old: So, I’d be paying you for complaining.

Me: Yes.

7-year-old: How much? Like one dollar?

4-year-old: Plus tax.

Me: Yeah, maybe. If you complained enough, it could come out to a dollar.

4-year-old: Plus tax!

7-year-old, with much melodramatic gasping: Or TWO??? TWO DOLLARS?????

4-year-old: Yeah! Plus tax!!!

7-year-old: Or THREE????

4-year-old: PLUS TAX, YOU GUYS!!!! YOU KEEP FORGETTING TO ADD THE TAX!!!!

RegularDad, in response to my nonplussed look: I explained tax to her when we were at the dollar store last week.

Even Crayola couldn’t touch this.

snow1.jpg

7-year-old: Look! Outside! It’s snowing! It’s finally snowing!

4-year-old, awestruck and breathless: Wow!

7-year-old: Isn’t it beautiful?

4-year-old: It’s all so white. It reminds me of a coloring book.

True love.

RegularDad: So, how’s that dishwasher working out for you?

Me: I love the dishwasher. I truly, absolutely LOVE the dishwasher.

RegularDad: And the house? You like the house?

Me: I love the house.

RegularDad: And…hey, what about me?

Me: You? I love you more than the dishwasher.

Then we broke into a little song and dance. Sort of like this one here. When the subtitles come up, just mentally add the phrase “and we’ll have a working dishwasher” to just about every line, and it should work. Sorta like when you add “between the sheets” to what you find on fortunes inside fortune cookies. Yeah…like that.

There’s no greater Valentine than a working dishwasher. With a box of chocolates on top.

Expanding our lexicon.

At the end of dinner, last night:

Me to 7-year-old who is in the act of picking up her plate and taking it to the kitchen counter: “Aren’t you going to eat your salad?”

7-year-old: “Oh, yeah. I was just going to clear this plate to make some room for my salad plate.”

Me: “Well, that’s very sweet of you, but it’s best to just set it aside tonight. There’s dishes everywhere in there right now.”

(We all glance in to the kitchen, where the counters are piled high with dishes that we used that day, not to mention the dishes we had to take out of the faulty dishwasher so that it can be hauled away.)

Me: “Once we get the new dishwasher installed, it’ll be a lot easier for you to help out and clear your place. But for now, just let me deal with it. I’ve got dish ish—  dish…ish… dish… PROBLEMS. I’ve got issues. With dishes….”

RegularDad: “You’ve got dissues.”

Big plans for family night.

7-year-old: So, what snacks do you think we should have for Family Night this week?

4-year-old: I want popcorn!

Me: Mmmmm….popcorn sounds good.

7-year-old: Okay. We’ll put popcorn on the list. What do you want, Dad?

RegularDad: How about some broccoli?

Everyone else in unison: DA-AD!

RegularDad: All right. Well, then, how about some asparagus spears?

Everyone else: DA-AD!!!!

RegularDad: Okay! Okay! How ’bout some Britney Spears?

7-year-old: What are THOSE?

RegularDad: Those’re trailer treats.

Me: Tasty trailer treats.

She knows what she wants.

Hmmm…she wants something here. I’m sure of it. It’s a bit hard to make out exactly what she’s asking for. But I’m pretty sure she wants something.

My Dinner with RegularDad

Me: Should I have a soda, or should I not have a soda?

RegularDad: To have a soda, or not to have a soda. That is the question. ‘Tis it nobler in the pants of man to—

Me (laughing hard): WHAT?

RD: Hey, when I was in school, all we had was Shakespeare-Lite. It’s reason #139 of why you should homeschool.

Me: I think I’ll have a caffeinated soda after that.

RD (through a mouthful of yogurt): Yes indeed. I went to bublic school, and—

Me: BUBLIC??? You went to BUBLIC school?

RD (after a thoughtful pause): Okay, that’s reason #138 of why you should homeschool.

Me: Wait. Don’t you mean reason #140?

RD (another perplexed pause): …Which brings us to Reason #141…

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About RegularMom

Doing my part to show the world that the homeschooling community is more than just a bunch of crazy funda- mentalists. There's plain old regular crazy people who homeschool, too. Like me.

Email me:
regular_mom at yahoo dot com

RegularDad's Clicks of the Day

Snow Bank
Now, that's cold.
Kung Fu Baby
They start younger and younger each year, it seems.
Jack in the Box
Who put the "freak" in french fries?
Chili Cookoff
Taste the pain.
Wazzzzzup!
True.

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