In spite of the many articles and studies either already published or eagerly awaited, attesting to the normal social and academic development of homeschooled children, I still occasionally find myself worrying about the whole damn thing. Like, what if all those studies are utter crap, and this whole thing I’ve gotten myself into is really some sort of weird psychological disorder of mine, in which I simply CANNOT let go of my children. What if it’s that?
Usually, I begin to worry after a few weeks in which we are off schedule and grumpy and things aren’t going as smoothly as I would like.
But then, last week, I sat in a room with a bunch of women of various ages and listened as one of them told a story of how her family had moved to a new town and how the children at her new school treated her. How awful it was. Those children were cruel, she said. And after that, another woman told a story of her own school experiences, and how her peers tormented her for years just because she was tall. And then another woman began to speak. And another. And another. And, God help us, another.
And more than half of these women then told stories of turning to drugs, or developing eating disorders, simply to cope with school.
And then on the news, I saw that 14-year-old boy’s arsenal and listened to his plans for that high school that isn’t so far from where we live right now, and then I saw that there’s a school out there that feels the need to distribute birth control pills to sixth graders, and then I just stopped watching the news for a while, because there’s only so much one can take.
And then, after all that, we managed to have a very good week of schooling at home, and I realized that it’s okay. I’m okay, and the kids are okay, and while I may not be the perfect homeschooler, and my kids may not emerge from their homeschool experience 100% well-adjusted, in the end, they’ll be okay. Whatever hangups they acquire, public school is just not the answer.
And for about 3 days now, I’ve been able to avoid the worry. Maybe it’s because we’ve started our mornings this week snuggling together on the sofa under blankets, giggling with each other and waving to RegularDad as he drives off to work. Maybe it’s because I’m spending more time just reading to the kids and letting them color with the “good” markers while I read stories of the Trojan War and life in ancient Greece.
Or maybe it’s just because when Mom stops worrying, everybody stops worrying.
When I took my son out of school, I worried about that, too.
My husband also worried about it. When I first broached the subject of homeschooling, he said, “NO! He’ll be socially retarded!”
By the end of the school year, we had decided it would be better for him to lack social skills for the rest of his life than to continue to allow them to harm him.
He’s 20 years old now. He has a girlfriend (they have been together six years), he has a job dealing with the public (is assistant manager of the bakery) and is attending college. As I write this, it’s 6:49 in the morning and he’s at the gym, working out with a friend. He’s developed better social skills than many ‘real’ adults. And he knows exactly who he is, too. None of the experimentation with alcohol and other drugs, and doesn’t give a fig what anyone else thinks.
Works for me.
I saw that story about birth control for 11 year olds and thought to myself, NEVER. My children are 4 months and 2 yrs old and I will protect them as much as possible from the national disaster commonly called public school.
-RegSis
I so worry about this. Thanks for this post. This is my skeleton in the closet. What if I’m not hsing for the reasons I think, my logical reasons, but because of some sick, inability to let DS go? Can I link to this?
RegularSis, you make me LOL.
Holly, sure. You can link any time.
Well, we’re off to our homeschool club’s weekly “Play At The Really Cool Indoor Gym All Afternoon” event for more radical unsocializing.
Girl, I think we all have our own insecurities, things not falling in place and on and on, but I think in the end we really know we are doing what is best for our kids. All 3 of mine did go to public school and this is our 3rd year at home. It has took till this year to get most of the school out of them. Actually they are doing so much better at home. We have a few trips we go own and they friends. That’s why I’m so up set that my MIL has put in my middle child to go back to school to play foot ball. “sigh” I will deal with that one later. Keep your chin up. From the little bit I do know about you, I think you are a great mom!
I know from experience the kind of “socialization” that can happen in schools. The further I can keep my kids from that the better!
It sounds like you are doing great and as you check and balance yourself, you come to the same conclusion. 2 out of 2 can’t be wrong.
Saw your blog come in on my tag surfer and just wanted to say what a great post!
I saw the article about 11 year olds able to get birth control in Maine. It’s absolutely ridiculous!
Socialization in the public school system is not the socialization I want my kids to have.
Thanks everyone.
I don’t see you having any problems educating your own children. You are doing everything right so far.
I love that last comment,”Or maybe it’s just because when Mom stops worrying, everybody stops worrying”
It really rings true with me. Once I lightened up a bit everything seemed to flow. Of course we still have our days, in battle of the wills. But doesn’t everyone have days like that?
Thank You for the post. It let’s me know these feelings are normal, and OK to have. Being new to hs’ing I seem to worry almost daily.
It sounds like your are doing great. I think it is normal to worry, and I have 2 in highschool now, and we have done a whole lot of unschooling so some days I worry too. Not because I think they won’t be successful in life and well rounded secure individuals, but because I don’t want to be the cause of them having trouble getting where they want to go, because we didn’t do things according to the book. As far a I am concerned, they are already successful but sometimes I worry.
Good on you. It’s a tough path to choose but I can see how much tougher the public school version is.
Best wishes
I am always happy to know I am not the only one worried about homeschooling. Homeschooling was not my initial dream for my child. I began homeschooling after I tried many other options. Now that we are doing it I love it and see the benefits. But, not a day goes by where I don’t doubt our choice.
Many thanks to everyone for all the encouragement. And thanks for reading, too.