Like I Have Time For This?

Last night RegularDad went to the Dream Theater concert with his brother. We’re, like, HUGE Dream Theater fans. Seriously. HUGE. RegularDad even had a few guitar lessons from their guitarist, John Petrucci, way back when we were still in college and living in a tiny room in a beer-soaked frat house.

Back in Colorado, I used to go to all the Dream Theater concerts with RegularDad. Grandma would come babysit, and we’d drive to wherever Dream Theater was playing and see the show. A couple of years ago we even went to see Yes just because Dream Theater was the opening act. We stayed for a few Yes tunes, but it got a bit surreal watching senior citizens dancing and screaming whooo-hoooo and forking the evil eye meaningfully at the stage. Not to mention the lead singer totally reminded me of Bilbo Baggins when he was really, really old and living with the elves and he got that evil look on his face when he tried to steal the ring from Frodo. And I wasn’t even stoned. Seriously. He looked Just Like Bilbo. So we left after a few songs. We’d really only gone to see Dream Theater anyway.

But, I digress.

The point I’m trying to get to is, I am a totally cool wife. A RegularWife, you might say. Because there really aren’t any babysitters nearby these days, and RegularDad really wanted to go to the concert with his brother, so I magnaminously said, of course darling, you go to the concert. And have a wonderful time. I’ll stay home with the kids. Of course I don’t mind.

And when they found out Mike Portnoy was doing a drum clinic that morning not far from where we were, RegularDad and his brother (who’s a great drummer) and my little 3-year-old nephew (also a damn good drummer, and he’s only three) all decided to go on down to the clinic as well.

Of course, darling. You go to the drum clinic. See Mike Portnoy. I’ll watch the kids here all day. In the heat. And the mess. I’ll continue to brave the relentless whining and fighting and….

Just…could you get Mike to sign my shirt? You know…my Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence shirt I got a while back? And then could you get me a new shirt at the concert? Because if Portnoy signs my Inner Turbulence shirt, there’s no way I’m gonna wash and wear it again.

RegularDad promised to get me Mike Portnoy’s autograph on my old, worn out Dream Theater shirt. And here it is:

And did you notice? Did you? RegularDad asked Mike to make it out to RegularMom. And he did. Look:

To RegularMom — and then that blob is Mike Portnoy’s signature. Apparently when he was signing it Portnoy looked sideways at RegularDad and said: “As opposed to IrregularMom?” And RegularDad just laughed and shook his head.

You tell me…is RegularDad cool? Or is he cool?

I’ll be a little sad to no longer be wearing my Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence t-shirt anymore, because it has so accurately described my life with toddlers these past few years. I suspect that at least one band member had a couple of toddlers in his house at the time that that album got written and named.

But my new t-shirt will suffice, I think. The new one says systematic chaos, which is also an incredibly apt descriptive of my life as a Bad-Ass Homeschoolin’ Mama. Who lives with a 4-year-old.

It’s like they KNOW me.

Here’s to you RegularDad. You ROCK!